


We Could Have Less To Worry About

by cpunksteverogers



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, internalized ableism, post trespasser dragon age inquisition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-27 21:24:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19798045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpunksteverogers/pseuds/cpunksteverogers
Summary: After their 'reunion' with Solas, Dorian sees Salluvani at a low point he's never seen before. He attempts to bring his amatus back to himself by cementing how important he truly is, and makes a final decision on bringing the elf to Tevinter.





	We Could Have Less To Worry About

**Author's Note:**

> Title based on "Nobody" Lyrics by Hozier
> 
> does contain feelings of hopelessness, mentions of alcohol misuse, internalized ableism, the cr*pple slur, and mentions of body horror.

Dorian finally returned to their room with food after Salluvani finally awoke. The moment he entered the room’s threshold, however, he was stunned. Vani hadn’t had a drink in the last six years, and himself in the last eighteen months aside from the occasional glass of Tevinter red. But in the half hour Salluvani was awake, he had managed to accumulate nine bottle of spirits that laid sprawled across the floor, two already emptied. His amatus would nearly always do something to either enrich his mind or body, but now he was sitting slumped in another world, practically a different person.  
In truth, Dorian couldn’t imagine what the elf was going through. He had recently found out that Solas was the one who caused the Breach as well as was planning to destroy the world, he’d lost his arm and the anchor, and the Inquisition had disbanded. On top of it all, Dorian was supposed to return to Tevinter in a fortnight. If Salluvani had any time to actually show his vulnerability it would be now. Any other reaction besides dismay would worry Dorian even more, but the person he saw in front of him wasn’t Vani. At least not Vani as he knew him. This was a shell of how his sisters described Salluvani of the past, someone Dorian never had the painful experience of meeting before.  
“Salluvani, I brought dinner for you… can we talk about these drinks?” he tried to nudge Salluvani’s shoulder, but the elf recoiled before Dorian could manage to touch him, “Amatus, look at me please? This was the absolute last thing I expected you would be doing after you woke up.” Dorian heard a sob crack through Vani’s lips and couldn’t hold his own tears back.  
“You don’t want me to look at you right now.”  
“Why would you say such nonsense like that?” and Dorian sees Salluvani reach the fantom of his left arm, beginning to trace the bandages around what was left of it and his shoulder, up along the green scars the mark had left in him like veins from the Fade, “Vani I’ve been watching you sleep for the past week. I more than know what you look like now. You truly think a few scars will prevent me from thinking you’re the most handsome man in all Thedas? That losing an arm would keep you from being the first, last, and most important thing to cross my thoughts?”  
“I’ve been crying.”  
“Because that’s a sight I’ve never seen before.”  
“I’ve been drinking.”  
“Like you haven’t taken care of me at worse for nearly a year,” his voice softens, “you need me, amatus. Let me be here for you.” Salluvani only responds by burying his face into Dorian’s lap, releasing sobs. The elf was shaking, suddenly so much smaller than Dorian had ever seen him. His sobs had wracked Dorian at his core, both physically and figuratively. The newly appointed magister could do nothing but run his fingers through his lover’s hair, still slick from bed-sweat. Never had he seen Vani at such a low point before. Out of the two, the former Inquisitor had always been the rock, pinnacle of strength between the two of them. Pain and betrayal would so often slide off him as though his resilience had an enchantment over it. But now the elf had been completely torn in his arms. Watching his amatus break down in his arms was causing Dorian to break down.  
“I’m nothing now,” Salluvani sobbed in Dorian’s arms, “I’ll never be able to fight again, the mark’s gone, and Solas is going to tear down the veil. I let everyone down. Without the Anchor, without the Inquisition, I’m nothing but a crippled elf wasting what he could be doing to save the Earth.”  
“You will never be nothing, amatus,” Dorian’s voice cracked as he spoke, “that mark was never what made you special, you did that. You’ll learn how to fight again. You’re clever beyond all belief, and you’re a shining light for everyone you meet. Even if you somehow lost all those things, you’ll never be nothing to me.”  
“So I’ll be the crippled elf waiting on his magister lover to finally make the decision to leave him?”  
“Don’t be absurd Vani? How could you think that? I wouldn’t dare look at any man with you both in my heart and on my arm when I return north.” Dorian didn’t even allow himself a moment to think of what he knew would be the right decision. There was so much hesitation over Vani ever being able to go to Tevinter to see Dorian, especially in the state it’s currently in. But he knew after leaving they would likely not see each other for a multitude of months – perhaps a year – and it would be too much for either of them to handle. Trepidation surrounding the situation suddenly left Dorian. Vani needed to come with him, this was no longer something they simply desired. Vani finally turned up to look at him, eyes burning red.  
“You don’t mean that do you? You said-“  
“Forget what I said before the council,” Dorian framed his hands around Salluvani’s face and placed a kiss on the younger elf’s brow, “I’ve changed my mind. I’ll end up losing my mind leaving you here, amatus. This whole image terrifies me. We need to stick together from now on and find what allies we can as we go. Never again do I want you torn from my side, Vani.”  
“What are you saying, vhenan?” the elf finally began to breathe evenly.  
“I’m saying perhaps we should finally have your sister perform that ceremony for us. We don’t need too many other people to join us besides your clan and what’s here of the Inquisition – and they’re all here. We should finally have our commitment solidified for the world. We can leave the fortnight after the ceremony. I want us to finally be us for good.”  
“You’re seriously proposing to me after all this, Pavus?” Salluvani finally let out a laugh.  
“As though we haven’t done that so many times before,” Dorian smiles before kissing him, “is that a no after everything?”  
“You know it isn’t,” Vani kisses him again, “I’ll have to talk to my sisters about this, but I want the moment to celebrate to ourselves for now, if we can do that.”  
“I had been hoping for time alone since arriving.” Dorian pulls them together, as they begin to finally celebrate what will be the rest of their lives.


End file.
